Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
the celebrations for the ONGs
OKAYsss so here are some of the photos.. too lazy to blog! shall go sleep now.. NITES
Thursday, April 24, 2008
sigh
can someone please tell me that i'm not mediocre..that i'm not dumb.. that i'm not idiotic... and that i'm still special.
SIGHS.
why is this world so so practical. why. i hate it. hate it! urgh
SIGHS.
why is this world so so practical. why. i hate it. hate it! urgh
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
SCARY!
random people are addin me on facebook. some old chinese guy, some ang moh, yada yada...on the pretext of "wanting to make more friends"
So okayys. i agreed. And one fine morning.. in the office..
I was online and this guy(who added me on facebk) said Hi. So I said Hi back and after some qns, realised he was one of those that added me on facebook. And guess how our conversation went
scary guy: you look very pretty
me: er. okay. thanks. average lookin girl, nothing much
scary guy: no.. really! especially your eyes
me: er okay
.
.
.
.
.
scary guy: So I guess you got many bfs and admirers
me: erm.. nopes I dont. And no admirers
scary guy: so what kind of guys to u like?
me: er I dunno. not interested in any currently?
scary guy: how bout older expats?
me: er. no.
scary guy: so i can say you dont like older expat guys?
me: yupp. anyways, got some work to do.. so CIAO!bye bye
HAHAHA! okay. suddenly all the images and news on internet traps and colour-wolfs came into my mind. hahahah! scary huh?
So okayys. i agreed. And one fine morning.. in the office..
I was online and this guy(who added me on facebk) said Hi. So I said Hi back and after some qns, realised he was one of those that added me on facebook. And guess how our conversation went
scary guy: you look very pretty
me: er. okay. thanks. average lookin girl, nothing much
scary guy: no.. really! especially your eyes
me: er okay
.
.
.
.
.
scary guy: So I guess you got many bfs and admirers
me: erm.. nopes I dont. And no admirers
scary guy: so what kind of guys to u like?
me: er I dunno. not interested in any currently?
scary guy: how bout older expats?
me: er. no.
scary guy: so i can say you dont like older expat guys?
me: yupp. anyways, got some work to do.. so CIAO!bye bye
HAHAHA! okay. suddenly all the images and news on internet traps and colour-wolfs came into my mind. hahahah! scary huh?
of insecurities and disappointments
oh wells. the whole world around me is getting scholarship/ University offers and interviews. (okay I'm generalising)sighs. what can i say. I dont even have the chance to get rejected.
This is so irritating. When I have a firm(or is it) hold on my goals, aims and directions, there's bound to be something which throw me off my stand. Its just like walking on a balance beam... You try your best to focus and walk in one direction.. But sounds around you, obstacles in front of you never fail to sway you from side to side and even push you back one or two steps.
Oh wells, I guess this is life. Sometimes you fly, sometimes you walk and other times you crawl. There's just so much insecurities in me now. Maybe I dont say it.. but it still hurts.
Planet fitness has started. I went for one yoga and one spin( ride on stationary bike with hip music and an instrutor) lesson! shit. I didnt exercise today. urgh.. partly due to busy-ness with Secretary's day.
I was just thinking yesterday.. How am I gonna lose (_)kg in 2 months! Thats like (_)kg a month. And judging on the rate Im going. Its like -impossible- SIGHS. I am depressed. As much as I refuse to admit... starving is the fastest way to lose weight. haha! fancy me saying this when I know its impossible for me to not eat.
oh wellss!so many things running through my head now.
This is so irritating. When I have a firm(or is it) hold on my goals, aims and directions, there's bound to be something which throw me off my stand. Its just like walking on a balance beam... You try your best to focus and walk in one direction.. But sounds around you, obstacles in front of you never fail to sway you from side to side and even push you back one or two steps.
Oh wells, I guess this is life. Sometimes you fly, sometimes you walk and other times you crawl. There's just so much insecurities in me now. Maybe I dont say it.. but it still hurts.
Planet fitness has started. I went for one yoga and one spin( ride on stationary bike with hip music and an instrutor) lesson! shit. I didnt exercise today. urgh.. partly due to busy-ness with Secretary's day.
I was just thinking yesterday.. How am I gonna lose (_)kg in 2 months! Thats like (_)kg a month. And judging on the rate Im going. Its like -impossible- SIGHS. I am depressed. As much as I refuse to admit... starving is the fastest way to lose weight. haha! fancy me saying this when I know its impossible for me to not eat.
oh wellss!so many things running through my head now.
a depressing start of the week
SIGH. things haven't been lookin good these days. weather forecast is always stormy and cloudy.
"F-ing idiot"
"what F-ing work are u giving me"
"its so irritating, so many stuff to do and you give me this F-ed-up letter"
"Stop putting words into my mouth"
"Are you saying that I'm wrong"
"stop wasting my time on this shit"
(the list goes on)
so.. this is a sneak peek into what the interns life have been like the past 2 days. verbal abuse? verbal harrassment?
WHAT the HELL.
But no ways am I gonna let this affect me mans! So.. lets see what the interns and secretaries do when the lawyers are not around!!
"F-ing idiot"
"what F-ing work are u giving me"
"its so irritating, so many stuff to do and you give me this F-ed-up letter"
"Stop putting words into my mouth"
"Are you saying that I'm wrong"
"stop wasting my time on this shit"
(the list goes on)
so.. this is a sneak peek into what the interns life have been like the past 2 days. verbal abuse? verbal harrassment?
WHAT the HELL.
But no ways am I gonna let this affect me mans! So.. lets see what the interns and secretaries do when the lawyers are not around!!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
oppps!
Some photos I forgot to upload quite longggg ago! heh heh
Kboxing a while ago! to celebrate the start of 2008!! (:
Bek, me, youxin & peixuan
me, zhiting & yingxu
yuxing and ME!
410'05!!!!
Kboxing a while ago! to celebrate the start of 2008!! (:
Bek, me, youxin & peixuan
me, zhiting & yingxu
yuxing and ME!
410'05!!!!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Privacy
Okay. Shall blog more since I havent blogged for days.
Lesson 101: How to deal with Trish
1. Please Respect her Privacy.
2. Do not take her stuff(esp personal items) without permission
3. If you really want to look, ask her first.
4. Still. Please Respect her Privacy.
AHAH, to sum it up, I value Privacy. And I absolutely need it. Especially now. Many many things in my life which I keep absolutely quiet about.
Previously I was so open bout my ED and stuff. I was really fine talkin to anyone about it, and not afraid of anything. Whether they'll judge me or look at me in a different light. BUT ever since I started working, things are so different. I learnt that the world is not as receptive as one thinks. yes, it may be filled with wonderful people, but bear in mind... In a bed filled with roses, there're bound to be some harmful insects lurkin around. I am not referring to anyone in particular.. but just a general insight that i kinda reconciled with myself, with regards to this world I am in.
HAHA. nothing is PERFECT. Even the perfect high acheiver has his or her own insecurities. Even the perfect mom or dad has her or his own inadequacy. So I dont expect everyone to fully understand or accept me. and of course. my struggles. So instead of taking the gamble, for fear of meeting someone who'll judge you, I would rather just shut up. yupps.
So.. back to the issue on privacy. This dates all the way back to JC1. hahah. I remember keeefong was quite pissed at me for kaypoh-ing at her, typin her msg. BUT HEY... eh, ok, my fault. So, I dont know since when, I myself started to respect this sort of privacy a lot too. heh. like A LOT. especially if you're not close to me. My wary for the general public kinda doubled. I guess its quite good huh.
BUt yah, I really CANT STAND ppl flippin through my stuff WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I MEAN, HELLLLLO! its MY STUFF! urgh.okay, there's a reason why I'm sayin all these.. as some of you might know. BUT I dont wish to continue any further. What's done cannot be undone. I just blame myself for being unable to show my anger and upset and pissedness(if there's such a word) OH WELLS. life still goes on!
OKOK.. cant blog anymore. shall update again when I have the time. till thennn.. TAKE CARE EVERYONE! AND JIA YOU TRISH! hahahah
Lesson 101: How to deal with Trish
1. Please Respect her Privacy.
2. Do not take her stuff(esp personal items) without permission
3. If you really want to look, ask her first.
4. Still. Please Respect her Privacy.
AHAH, to sum it up, I value Privacy. And I absolutely need it. Especially now. Many many things in my life which I keep absolutely quiet about.
Previously I was so open bout my ED and stuff. I was really fine talkin to anyone about it, and not afraid of anything. Whether they'll judge me or look at me in a different light. BUT ever since I started working, things are so different. I learnt that the world is not as receptive as one thinks. yes, it may be filled with wonderful people, but bear in mind... In a bed filled with roses, there're bound to be some harmful insects lurkin around. I am not referring to anyone in particular.. but just a general insight that i kinda reconciled with myself, with regards to this world I am in.
HAHA. nothing is PERFECT. Even the perfect high acheiver has his or her own insecurities. Even the perfect mom or dad has her or his own inadequacy. So I dont expect everyone to fully understand or accept me. and of course. my struggles. So instead of taking the gamble, for fear of meeting someone who'll judge you, I would rather just shut up. yupps.
So.. back to the issue on privacy. This dates all the way back to JC1. hahah. I remember keeefong was quite pissed at me for kaypoh-ing at her, typin her msg. BUT HEY... eh, ok, my fault. So, I dont know since when, I myself started to respect this sort of privacy a lot too. heh. like A LOT. especially if you're not close to me. My wary for the general public kinda doubled. I guess its quite good huh.
BUt yah, I really CANT STAND ppl flippin through my stuff WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I MEAN, HELLLLLO! its MY STUFF! urgh.okay, there's a reason why I'm sayin all these.. as some of you might know. BUT I dont wish to continue any further. What's done cannot be undone. I just blame myself for being unable to show my anger and upset and pissedness(if there's such a word) OH WELLS. life still goes on!
OKOK.. cant blog anymore. shall update again when I have the time. till thennn.. TAKE CARE EVERYONE! AND JIA YOU TRISH! hahahah
SIGH
trish is troubled.
OH WELLS.
Mummy said that recently all my conversations have a lot of "sian" in them. like.."sian lah" or " damn sian la!" or "sian diao"...
urgh. but seriously. I AM SIAN!
today. I felt like puking again for no reason. When I returned from court, I received a msg from my student saying he wanna quit tuition. Then with a pile of documents to read and a list of docs to do, I just felt so damn stressed up! shits.
Firstly, okay. I am guilty. Holding so many so many jobs at one go, I know I am in some way or another, short-changing my students. sighs. But with a group of students, its so difficult to cater to all their learning pace. okay, to state things in simple terms, for my group of 3 doing maths, one scored 27/30 and the other scored 12/30! so what can i say? Different people got different learning styles. Its really difficult for me. So is it my fault that he did so badly? AND AND AND the worst thing is they are so unmotivated. Give them homework they never do. urgh. Set test for them they also nv ren4 xin1 zuo4. SO WHAT. None of them understands what the word "tired" means. rushing all the way, only to realise they cancelled tuition without me knowing! wakin up so early to give tuition on weekends, not havin a single day to rest, and yet not gettin appreciated. Sometimes, I think kids should think bout their own learning attitudes, before blaming the teacher!
OK, they didnt blame me. BUT STILL. I AM UPSET. FINE. I confess. I am pissed partially due to money issues. The reason why I charge so freakin damn cheap is cos I take into account its a group tuition. So since they negotiated, I relented and agreed to their meagre sum of fees. AND NOW, one student is quittin. So should I increase the price for the rest? And even if I want to, will they agree? And if I stop the tuition totally, it would mean the loss of a source of income... and also irresponsibility on my part!!!! SO NOW WHAT! urgh. I reallly reallllllyyy HATE to deal with all these issues with so many knots waiting to be untied in my head.
However, in retrospect, I also understand where they're coming from. sighs. I mean, you really want the best for yourself. So if you dont see results from the tuition, its just natural that you wanna quit. So I dont have anyone to blame, except myself. For being unable to create the miracle they want from me. SIGHS.
OKAY, moving on to something more exciting!! COURT COURT COURT!! hahahha.
I find this hearing quite exciting. Since everything's confidential, I cant really divulge much. HAHA. so yupps. BUT BUT... have been talkin more to the lawyers recently since I am practically stuck with Alvin and Prakash for the whole of friday and today! hahah. AHEM. MEAL TREATS.. total sum for lunch that came from my pocket is $0. haahah. trish is such a cheepo. BUT HEY.I deserved it.. taking down court notes till my hand hurts for the whole day! though Alvin doesnt really refer to it(he has his own notes), I dont care. HAHAH. Trish still deserves it. For doing saikang like unloading and packing of files for the ease of their reference...heh!! Things seems okay on our side. Hope tmr goes well.. its the summoning of another witness... So hope Alvin can shoot our defendant down AND SCORE THE GOALLLL.. hahahha! One thing bout the lawyers.. THEY ARE TOTALLY SOCCER ADDICTS! hahaha. as prakash says, full time soccer players, part time lawyers. SO VERY TRUE. AHEM.. he made me carry his bag back to office last friday cos HE HAD SOCCER and didnt wanna be late. HAHAHA. so what can I say.. THEY WORK HARD, PLAY HARD!
OH anyways, Prakash is SUCH A SWEEEEEET DADDY! He was tellin me how his little 5yr old tries to skip tennis training today!! She said she wanted to quit so she can spend time with her little sibling. But Prakash said, if she quits, its no more tennis forever. And she was like. "oh! then its okay. I'll go today!" HAHAHA. an attempt to be lazy.. FAILED. hahah. thats what happens when u have such a smart daddy huh?! haahha! OH MANS. SOOOOO CUTE. And u can see from his face, how much joy this daddy derives from talking bout his little ones. awwwwwwww....
HAHA! anyways.. SECRETARY's DAY IS COMIN UP NEXT WEEK. havent really came out with a concrete plan.. But this time, me and rachel, THE INTERNS!, are gonna take our own initiative to plan a day of events.WOOOHOOO! exciting man!
OHOH! before I forget... THANK YOU BHASKARAN!!! hahahah. He went to Perth in the weekends and before he left.. ahem ahem the super thick skinned tricia asked for something from Perth. So, sweeeet Bhaskaran actually got us this big box of macadamia nuts choc! woooots. damn nice lah. hahah. diet plans shall go on hold for a while. these chocs ae toooo good to resist. WHEEEE. THANKS BHASKARAN! hahahha.
Oh anyways, Tainers are gonna have a meeting soon.hmmm. this new guy in the company wants to introduce some new initiatives in the training for tainers. HMMM.. hahha. wonder whats it gonna be about. *curious* hahhah
And, very recently, my ranting time to someone has been limited... from unlimited amount of time to like.. what.. 10 minutes? sobs. sobs. sobs even more. haaha! okay its not that bad. Just that I pity that someone, with what little time he has, part of it is given up to hear this hopeless girl here rant. hahahh. Hope someone wont mind! eeeps! I think he wont lah. >.< He should be honoured lorrrr.. this busy girl reserve her night time waiting... waiting for phone call.. hahha. okay lah.. HEH!
yah. yah.
OOOOKIES. so for now.. shall go study for SATs for an hour before heading for bed! AND.. TMR IS A NEW DAY!! wheeee.. cant wait to go to high court again! speaking of which!! I RAN OUT OF WHITE TOPS. shits. hahah. shall go dig my mum's wardrobe. heh!!
sooo.. TOOOODLES
OH WELLS.
Mummy said that recently all my conversations have a lot of "sian" in them. like.."sian lah" or " damn sian la!" or "sian diao"...
urgh. but seriously. I AM SIAN!
today. I felt like puking again for no reason. When I returned from court, I received a msg from my student saying he wanna quit tuition. Then with a pile of documents to read and a list of docs to do, I just felt so damn stressed up! shits.
Firstly, okay. I am guilty. Holding so many so many jobs at one go, I know I am in some way or another, short-changing my students. sighs. But with a group of students, its so difficult to cater to all their learning pace. okay, to state things in simple terms, for my group of 3 doing maths, one scored 27/30 and the other scored 12/30! so what can i say? Different people got different learning styles. Its really difficult for me. So is it my fault that he did so badly? AND AND AND the worst thing is they are so unmotivated. Give them homework they never do. urgh. Set test for them they also nv ren4 xin1 zuo4. SO WHAT. None of them understands what the word "tired" means. rushing all the way, only to realise they cancelled tuition without me knowing! wakin up so early to give tuition on weekends, not havin a single day to rest, and yet not gettin appreciated. Sometimes, I think kids should think bout their own learning attitudes, before blaming the teacher!
OK, they didnt blame me. BUT STILL. I AM UPSET. FINE. I confess. I am pissed partially due to money issues. The reason why I charge so freakin damn cheap is cos I take into account its a group tuition. So since they negotiated, I relented and agreed to their meagre sum of fees. AND NOW, one student is quittin. So should I increase the price for the rest? And even if I want to, will they agree? And if I stop the tuition totally, it would mean the loss of a source of income... and also irresponsibility on my part!!!! SO NOW WHAT! urgh. I reallly reallllllyyy HATE to deal with all these issues with so many knots waiting to be untied in my head.
However, in retrospect, I also understand where they're coming from. sighs. I mean, you really want the best for yourself. So if you dont see results from the tuition, its just natural that you wanna quit. So I dont have anyone to blame, except myself. For being unable to create the miracle they want from me. SIGHS.
OKAY, moving on to something more exciting!! COURT COURT COURT!! hahahha.
I find this hearing quite exciting. Since everything's confidential, I cant really divulge much. HAHA. so yupps. BUT BUT... have been talkin more to the lawyers recently since I am practically stuck with Alvin and Prakash for the whole of friday and today! hahah. AHEM. MEAL TREATS.. total sum for lunch that came from my pocket is $0. haahah. trish is such a cheepo. BUT HEY.I deserved it.. taking down court notes till my hand hurts for the whole day! though Alvin doesnt really refer to it(he has his own notes), I dont care. HAHAH. Trish still deserves it. For doing saikang like unloading and packing of files for the ease of their reference...heh!! Things seems okay on our side. Hope tmr goes well.. its the summoning of another witness... So hope Alvin can shoot our defendant down AND SCORE THE GOALLLL.. hahahha! One thing bout the lawyers.. THEY ARE TOTALLY SOCCER ADDICTS! hahaha. as prakash says, full time soccer players, part time lawyers. SO VERY TRUE. AHEM.. he made me carry his bag back to office last friday cos HE HAD SOCCER and didnt wanna be late. HAHAHA. so what can I say.. THEY WORK HARD, PLAY HARD!
OH anyways, Prakash is SUCH A SWEEEEEET DADDY! He was tellin me how his little 5yr old tries to skip tennis training today!! She said she wanted to quit so she can spend time with her little sibling. But Prakash said, if she quits, its no more tennis forever. And she was like. "oh! then its okay. I'll go today!" HAHAHA. an attempt to be lazy.. FAILED. hahah. thats what happens when u have such a smart daddy huh?! haahha! OH MANS. SOOOOO CUTE. And u can see from his face, how much joy this daddy derives from talking bout his little ones. awwwwwwww....
HAHA! anyways.. SECRETARY's DAY IS COMIN UP NEXT WEEK. havent really came out with a concrete plan.. But this time, me and rachel, THE INTERNS!, are gonna take our own initiative to plan a day of events.WOOOHOOO! exciting man!
OHOH! before I forget... THANK YOU BHASKARAN!!! hahahah. He went to Perth in the weekends and before he left.. ahem ahem the super thick skinned tricia asked for something from Perth. So, sweeeet Bhaskaran actually got us this big box of macadamia nuts choc! woooots. damn nice lah. hahah. diet plans shall go on hold for a while. these chocs ae toooo good to resist. WHEEEE. THANKS BHASKARAN! hahahha.
Oh anyways, Tainers are gonna have a meeting soon.hmmm. this new guy in the company wants to introduce some new initiatives in the training for tainers. HMMM.. hahha. wonder whats it gonna be about. *curious* hahhah
And, very recently, my ranting time to someone has been limited... from unlimited amount of time to like.. what.. 10 minutes? sobs. sobs. sobs even more. haaha! okay its not that bad. Just that I pity that someone, with what little time he has, part of it is given up to hear this hopeless girl here rant. hahahh. Hope someone wont mind! eeeps! I think he wont lah. >.< He should be honoured lorrrr.. this busy girl reserve her night time waiting... waiting for phone call.. hahha. okay lah.. HEH!
yah. yah.
OOOOKIES. so for now.. shall go study for SATs for an hour before heading for bed! AND.. TMR IS A NEW DAY!! wheeee.. cant wait to go to high court again! speaking of which!! I RAN OUT OF WHITE TOPS. shits. hahah. shall go dig my mum's wardrobe. heh!!
sooo.. TOOOODLES
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
busy busy
I THINK TODAY WILL BE A BUSY BUSY DAY IN THE OFFICE.
lets see....
1)Read through 2 HUGE files on a matter... search for any relevance to economic duress.
2)Send a letter of demand to IK and client.
3)Letter of Representation
4)Edit the defence and counterclaim.
ANDDDD... SAIKANG. shit
oh anyways...miaoqin!! thanks for flooding. haha. I appreciate all that u say to me. Haha. I guess we all yearn for perfection. and having the perfectionists in me.. i just cant help it I guess. oh wells.but really..thank you so much.Heh, u sound so experienced eh?! hahh.. and bout the issues will esteem and looks. hahah. i wont fall back lah. its too difficult, tiring, painful and whatnots. just impossible. And... yes, will do it the healthy way. so DONT WORRY.. yupps. love u miaoqin.. u know how I can always count on you for anything and everything.love u dear!!!!
oh wells. HAVE TO START READING.. shits. byeeeee. LOADS TO DO TODAY
P.S.went for retail therapy yesterday and spent 400bucks in 3 hours!! oh mans! hahaa
lets see....
1)Read through 2 HUGE files on a matter... search for any relevance to economic duress.
2)Send a letter of demand to IK and client.
3)Letter of Representation
4)Edit the defence and counterclaim.
ANDDDD... SAIKANG. shit
oh anyways...miaoqin!! thanks for flooding. haha. I appreciate all that u say to me. Haha. I guess we all yearn for perfection. and having the perfectionists in me.. i just cant help it I guess. oh wells.but really..thank you so much.Heh, u sound so experienced eh?! hahh.. and bout the issues will esteem and looks. hahah. i wont fall back lah. its too difficult, tiring, painful and whatnots. just impossible. And... yes, will do it the healthy way. so DONT WORRY.. yupps. love u miaoqin.. u know how I can always count on you for anything and everything.love u dear!!!!
oh wells. HAVE TO START READING.. shits. byeeeee. LOADS TO DO TODAY
P.S.went for retail therapy yesterday and spent 400bucks in 3 hours!! oh mans! hahaa
Monday, April 07, 2008
OH wells
today shall be a new day which didnt exactly started out that right. but oh wells.
hmmmmmm. tuesday! shall go submit smu docs... before heading back to office! loads of work waiting for me! oh mans. 4 different cases pending... IN my HAnds! so yupp. it'll be really busy busy today!!
ok so.. tooodles. shall go bathe now!
realised that donuts make your throat hurt. and 2 donuts make your throat die. not thinking bout other stuff! heh.
bye
hmmmmmm. tuesday! shall go submit smu docs... before heading back to office! loads of work waiting for me! oh mans. 4 different cases pending... IN my HAnds! so yupp. it'll be really busy busy today!!
ok so.. tooodles. shall go bathe now!
realised that donuts make your throat hurt. and 2 donuts make your throat die. not thinking bout other stuff! heh.
bye
sobs
I wonder why I blogged so much today.
I feel like shit now. I am really really disgusted. with.. myself. I hate myself today. And I'm thinking whether to shift this post to my personal blog. But oh wells. forget it.
The day started off with me not having a proper nice breakfast due to the LACK OF FOOD AT HOME (i wonder why) All I had was some junk. cream puffs and milo. milo powder. some crap. and guess what. the whole day just got worst. okay, to do the cream puffs to justice, they were good. bread papa chocolate cream puffs. somehow, my hate for cream just dissolves when I pop the bread-papa into my mouth. BUT NO. no no no no. ok. yes. I am guilty.
I feel like a pig. seriously! I mean... okay. I dont wanna continue anymore. I know everyone now.. will start thinking. oh, trish is ranting again. she's not even fat lah! but wait a minute. Please STOP putting YOUR standards and weigh it against ME. If i'm not happy, I'm not. Stop it! I am tired!! Tired of hearing stuff, tired of lying to myself. Tired of thinking rationally. I have been psyco-ing myself for months thinking that yes, I look okay. But at this point in time, I hate myself. Its time for me to reconcile with my true feelings. I just want to hide in my room to cry. But nope, I lost that ability to cry over such stuff. sounds weird but i really really want to.
procrastination. something which I am terribly good at. Procrastinate diet plans. Procrastinate ALL MY FEELINGS. Procrastinate my own personal time to reflect. I really really wonder where all my determination went. The determination to not eat. I want it back... terribly. really really badly.
hmmm. suddenly remembered what melvyn talked to me about on saturday. "trish arh. you arh. not streetsmart... can call you naive. trust people so easily. people say what you also believe. must learn leh." and then he went on "you dont even know where chinatown is.. blah blah blah.. like that how to be a tourguide. must go and find out hor." OK. I think he say this out of concern and I'm really not angry or anything. in fact. he made me think. those words, not streetsmart.. naive... hit me like arrows. I guess thats the worst worst thing you can ever say to me. yes, u can call me fat, stupid, brainless. BUT dont ever ever call me naive. it hurts so much. Of course I didnt appear hurt at all. just silent for quite some time. then went to meet the rest. HMMM. I think I'm really good at acting that I'm always happy and fine. but yes, the words are still resonating in my head. Me. naive.? ok, maybe I really am.
Oh. and he also asked me why am i not in a relationship. Guess everyone who knows me well enough.. understands my take on this whole issue. There is no such thing as love at first sight for me. and I must be able to see that person as a husband before even considering. So yes. Once again. melvyn said.." you see.. naive lor. when u go into your first relationship you wont even know how to react to what he says or do. most people only really know what kind of person they are looking for after a few relationships. And for u.. do you even know what you want?! nice? caring? sweet? thoughtful? no temper? high tolerance?...." and i said "all lor." And mel told me. angels dont exist. Oh wells. If they dont. then too bad for me. I know they dont. But who cares. I never felt that I needed to enter a relationship despite how my mum thinks its absolutely necessary and is a must. hey. I can survive on MY own. oh wells. once again. I dont want to go on anymore.
Anyways, I feel broke all of a sudden. 12 J-Co donuts sitting in my fridge. bought them from raffles city. TOLD YOU... SEEEE.. procrastination of diet plans. provided they even exist in my dictionary now. shits. OH wells. Trish shall just suck all the rest of her life. Thanks.
I feel like shit now. I am really really disgusted. with.. myself. I hate myself today. And I'm thinking whether to shift this post to my personal blog. But oh wells. forget it.
The day started off with me not having a proper nice breakfast due to the LACK OF FOOD AT HOME (i wonder why) All I had was some junk. cream puffs and milo. milo powder. some crap. and guess what. the whole day just got worst. okay, to do the cream puffs to justice, they were good. bread papa chocolate cream puffs. somehow, my hate for cream just dissolves when I pop the bread-papa into my mouth. BUT NO. no no no no. ok. yes. I am guilty.
I feel like a pig. seriously! I mean... okay. I dont wanna continue anymore. I know everyone now.. will start thinking. oh, trish is ranting again. she's not even fat lah! but wait a minute. Please STOP putting YOUR standards and weigh it against ME. If i'm not happy, I'm not. Stop it! I am tired!! Tired of hearing stuff, tired of lying to myself. Tired of thinking rationally. I have been psyco-ing myself for months thinking that yes, I look okay. But at this point in time, I hate myself. Its time for me to reconcile with my true feelings. I just want to hide in my room to cry. But nope, I lost that ability to cry over such stuff. sounds weird but i really really want to.
procrastination. something which I am terribly good at. Procrastinate diet plans. Procrastinate ALL MY FEELINGS. Procrastinate my own personal time to reflect. I really really wonder where all my determination went. The determination to not eat. I want it back... terribly. really really badly.
hmmm. suddenly remembered what melvyn talked to me about on saturday. "trish arh. you arh. not streetsmart... can call you naive. trust people so easily. people say what you also believe. must learn leh." and then he went on "you dont even know where chinatown is.. blah blah blah.. like that how to be a tourguide. must go and find out hor." OK. I think he say this out of concern and I'm really not angry or anything. in fact. he made me think. those words, not streetsmart.. naive... hit me like arrows. I guess thats the worst worst thing you can ever say to me. yes, u can call me fat, stupid, brainless. BUT dont ever ever call me naive. it hurts so much. Of course I didnt appear hurt at all. just silent for quite some time. then went to meet the rest. HMMM. I think I'm really good at acting that I'm always happy and fine. but yes, the words are still resonating in my head. Me. naive.? ok, maybe I really am.
Oh. and he also asked me why am i not in a relationship. Guess everyone who knows me well enough.. understands my take on this whole issue. There is no such thing as love at first sight for me. and I must be able to see that person as a husband before even considering. So yes. Once again. melvyn said.." you see.. naive lor. when u go into your first relationship you wont even know how to react to what he says or do. most people only really know what kind of person they are looking for after a few relationships. And for u.. do you even know what you want?! nice? caring? sweet? thoughtful? no temper? high tolerance?...." and i said "all lor." And mel told me. angels dont exist. Oh wells. If they dont. then too bad for me. I know they dont. But who cares. I never felt that I needed to enter a relationship despite how my mum thinks its absolutely necessary and is a must. hey. I can survive on MY own. oh wells. once again. I dont want to go on anymore.
Anyways, I feel broke all of a sudden. 12 J-Co donuts sitting in my fridge. bought them from raffles city. TOLD YOU... SEEEE.. procrastination of diet plans. provided they even exist in my dictionary now. shits. OH wells. Trish shall just suck all the rest of her life. Thanks.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
workin!
HAHHAHA. currently workin at clarke quay.. ducktours counter. no tours for now.
BUT my pay is gonna get deducted by one hour's cos i was 5 mins late.. SIGH. over slept in the MRT.. landed in vivo. and yes. got my pay deducted! yupps. but its ok la. as melvin says.. no matter what.. still late what. oh wells!
lalala. shall blog more later. wheeheee. look forward to going out with the 4 girls later!YUPP! WE SHOULD TOTALLY HAVE A SLEEPOVER SOOOOON. sighs.. i miss havin sleepovers! sighs sighs.
AND GEN.... happy finding tuition kids!! yupp yupp!
for now, tooooooodles. shall continue waiting....byee
BUT my pay is gonna get deducted by one hour's cos i was 5 mins late.. SIGH. over slept in the MRT.. landed in vivo. and yes. got my pay deducted! yupps. but its ok la. as melvin says.. no matter what.. still late what. oh wells!
lalala. shall blog more later. wheeheee. look forward to going out with the 4 girls later!YUPP! WE SHOULD TOTALLY HAVE A SLEEPOVER SOOOOON. sighs.. i miss havin sleepovers! sighs sighs.
AND GEN.... happy finding tuition kids!! yupp yupp!
for now, tooooooodles. shall continue waiting....byee
Thursday, April 03, 2008
hmmmm
"Graduation (Friends Forever)"
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
[Repeat 1]
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Hmm. Previously I always ALWAYS thought that this song was over-used, not interesting, and give it the " oh, that song again" attitude.
But seriously, pause and look. Look. Look at the lyrics. sighs. As I was walking home one day with earphones plugged in, I listened to this song, properly. for once. And it made so much sense. It drew so much similarities. It meant so much. so much.
Sighs. I remember......
oh wells. Reminiscence. nostalgia.
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
[Repeat 1]
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Hmm. Previously I always ALWAYS thought that this song was over-used, not interesting, and give it the " oh, that song again" attitude.
But seriously, pause and look. Look. Look at the lyrics. sighs. As I was walking home one day with earphones plugged in, I listened to this song, properly. for once. And it made so much sense. It drew so much similarities. It meant so much. so much.
Sighs. I remember......
oh wells. Reminiscence. nostalgia.
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