AHHHHH

shit. shit. shit. shit.

OH MANS! how! I never knew.. or more like I assumed.

Okay.. I am reallly reallly damn upset!

you know.. sometimes I'm amazed by my ability to talk to people..be it colleagues or friends, about stuff which I really hate myself for. Here I am smiling at them, complaining.. and taking everything easy.. and when I go home.. I'll just break into tears. I really wonder at times.. how do I do that.

Anyways.. was just talking to Faith(the other superduper secretary!).. She say that she knows I'm a very insecure person.. no confidence in myself.. yea.. i totally get what she means.. but just that I never knew it became so IN me that its so evident from the outside. I agree with her.. yet I hate it.. Hate it so much for not being able to hide my weaknesses? And apart from that.. I really hate it that I'm so insecure! sighssss! why cant I just be person A.. person B.. Why must I be myself. I feel so lousy and weak. So stupid and shit..SIGH.. but what can I do!? After so many stupid stuff.. I'm just glad I'm still alive.

I hate to reconcile with the fact that my tolerance for insults, tolerance for shits, tolerance to remain sane, tolerance for stress, tolerance for EVERYTHING is just so so so LOW. I hate it.. so much. WHY AM I SO VULNERABLE! WHY.