many many things running through my head now.

but none of which i can blog right here.

so. yes.

eventful night. eventful day.

anyways. work has been sucky. i am so so so soaked in profanities. i feel so degraded. so worthless. sometimes i wonder.. why did i put myself through all this shit! but then again. its a really good learning experience. I mean.. there's always trade-offs for everything. Just that... recently so many things have been stressing me up.both emotionally and mentally. thats not mentioning feelings of self dejection due to physical "inadequacies". Thus, leading to me..... yes.

So.. recently many things have changed. apart from exercising more regularly, feeling suckier, becoming more reserved at home(haha, depends on how one looks at this.)... yes, vulgarities. tell me about it man. lets just say.. it doesnt play as much a big deal as it did in the past. oh wells. So lets just put it in simpler terms and look at myself in a bigger picture sense.. i am hating the world around me now, in particular myself. I am a lot more sensitive now (in a negative sense). And.. things just havent been looking good.

I know I'm not making much sense here. but. yes. thats the point man. I am losing it. Losing the ability to think rationally, objectively and most of all, sensibly. things haven't looked that bad ever since a year or two back. I wonder how i'm gonna salvage all this shit I'm in. this life of mine.

but! to end on a lighter note. I know this is not the end. As dr lee told me 2 years back or so.. if you look at life (then, it was referred to as recovery) as this graph, you may be at this point here (points at the lowest dip of the zig-zag curve)... but look at the general trend.. and u see its still going upwards. so.. what can i say. once again.. life has met the pits for me again! so lets just wait.. wait.. and see things go up again.

bye bye